She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I think my moral compass just broke
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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