I just threw up on my dentist
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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