know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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