I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
