i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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