Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
