so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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