I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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