Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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