You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He shit in the fireplace
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
