Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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