How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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