After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
