I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
