My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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