ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
