Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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