he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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