i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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