I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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