booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
