i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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