East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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