return my video game
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
handjob tips. give me some.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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