you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
