i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize