does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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