I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
