I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
that may or may not have been my penis.
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