the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
