I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
