So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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