you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
