is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize