They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
