i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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