I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i think i just lost a toe
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
