My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
