I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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