what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
