i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
