from now on my penis is your penis
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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