Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
