So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
