Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
