i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
