I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
