My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
