just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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