So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
