He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
