I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize