My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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