So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
