He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
