Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
