I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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