Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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