I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
