Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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