Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
