they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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