I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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