all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
