fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
