Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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