We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
