Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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