your room smells of hookers.
And success
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize