yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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