Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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