I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
