The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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