So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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