Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
