smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
worst night to have a conscience
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
