I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
