imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
