Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
