Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
