so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
