i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
