: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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