operation have a gay friend backfired
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize