so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
