Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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