I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
