someone threw a dead crab at me
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
