8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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