please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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