I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
tell me about the eggs
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize