Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
