K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
