you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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