You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
