After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
