You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
