I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
