im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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