think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
