i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
