what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
