I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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