I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
